From the writings of professor Tymoteusz Wszędymały, a world-renowned expert on the subject of dwarfs, a specialist in the field of dwarfology and dwarfonomics.
December 31, 2013
Dwarfs, the presence of which in these lands dates from the dawn of time, have been inextricably linked to the presence and culture of dragons. One could say that they simply had no choice but to accept these great evolutionarily obsolete reptilian forms and coexist with them in a relative harmony. However, as a scientist who has researched dwarf habits for years, I cannot agree with this entirely superficial statement.
There are many reliable historical sources which clearly indicate that dwarfs had relations with dragons that went far beyond simple tolerance. To a large extent this was due to their innate kindness and goodness (dwarfs naturally have big and good hearts). However, I believe that the lack of maidens in the dwarf community was not without significance. Without the prospect of getting their favorite delicacy, dragons had no interest in blackmailing the dwarfs. Instead, they focused on human settlements, where it was always possible to find some maiden or other. The quality of these maidens could form the material for my next academic essay, but they are not my subject today.
The combination of the unattractiveness of the available menu and the kindness of Wrocław dwarfs resulted in mutual sympathy in the first few centuries of the common existence. Dragons did not treat dwarfs with fire and dwarfs did not play any embarrassing practical jokes using rams stuffed with sulfur. The courtesy, however, did not end there: I am aware of mutual visits that were made between a delegation of Wrocław dwarfs and a dragon called Kevin from Trzebnica, who was famous for the fact that on several occasions he was home alone and nothing good came from it!
Suffice to say that last year I noticed with surprise the appearance of a new reptilian citizen in the dwarvish community – a dragon baby. Locating it and linking it with dwarfs took me a long time, because – as it turned out – the toddler was carefully protected by dwarvish ladies, with Mrs. Dwarf in the lead. In fact, just recently I was able to observe that it is a vegetarian and bears a very telling name: Greeneater Cabbage.
As a part of in-depth and – I admit – somewhat exhausting observations I was able to establish many interesting facts and draw from them some even more interesting conclusions. It turns out that this reptilian citizen of the Dwarvish Underworld is the best proof of the thesis I proposed some time ago. The thesis was: local patriotism gets absorbed not only through education but also through the skin. The greater its absolute surface (pimples), the faster the process is.
And so, on December 31st 2013, I noticed that Greeneater Cabbage was particularly excited. From the early morning he ran and jumped and produced colorful smoke from his nose. Normally, the smoke is greenish or yellow. Its colorfulness on New Year’s Eve understandably raised my interest. The baby dragon walked enthusiastically up to the stage that had been built specifically for the big New Year’s Eve concert. During rehearsals the creature bounced and swayed rhythmically, which allowed me to believe that it is also musically gifted.
Mrs. Dwarf, anxious and fearful for its safety, tried from time to time corral the baby dragon into a burrow. It did not help much, because just after she succeeded, it returned to the stage, manoeuvring deftly between the legs of the gathering people. Greeneater enjoyed itself a lot for almost the entire concert. Every time another artist greeted Wrocław from the stage, Greeneater experienced joyful euphoria: it bounced, produced smoke, twitched to the music, and even tried to sing.
An unexpected crisis came when one of the artists on the stage confused Wrocław with Krakow and greeted the latter. Greeneater became petrified. The whites of its eyes took a warning purple color, and high voltage lightning appeared in its pupils. It could not move due to this emotional shock, but its little body began to emit black smoke, which was getting thicker and thicker, until its nostrils exploded with riot of colorful sparks. To those looking at it from a distance it would have seemed like a large firecracker that went off too quickly. Frightened spectators took several steps away, while the angry baby dragon shot fiery cascades in all directions, most likely through centrifugal force. After a few minutes, it fell unconscious on the pavement. The exhausted reptile was taken home by a very moved Mrs. Dwarf. And so the local dragon patriot manifested its affiliation and emotional relationship with the city.
PS. I want to take this opportunity to thank a couple of local teenagers who in the ubiquitous noise were persuaded by me that I was not lying under the stage because of alcohol intoxication, but due to ongoing research, and so in the end did not call the police.